I ‘forgot’ I had ADHD for 8 years. This is what it cost me…

For Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought I’d share my diagnosis story with you. It highlights the importance of continuity of care and how receiving the right support can literally change your life. 

In 2014, during my last year of grad school — a master’s program in speech pathology — a professor pulled me aside after a statistics exam. I had only made it halfway through the test. She suspected a math learning disability and encouraged me to get tested.

So I did. I sat in an educational psychologist’s office while she walked me through a full report and told me two things: I had dyscalculia (a math learning disability) and I had ADHD. I had always suspected the math learning disability so that came as no big shock. However, I had no idea what the ADHD diagnosis meant and quite frankly, I wasn’t too concerned about it. 

She handed me a folder containing my report, some accommodation recommendations for graduate school, and a pamphlet on ADHD. I put it in a drawer and moved on with my life.

Or so I thought…

Life Was So Exhausting!

I went on to work as a school-based speech therapist with deaf and hard of hearing preschoolers. I loved the students and I loved the people I worked with, but every day I felt like I was drowning. While my coworkers seemed to manage their caseloads with ease, I felt like I was working twice as hard for half of the output. 

I found myself reorganizing file folders, color-coding bookshelves, and designing the perfect desk drawer system. Anything but the actual important work that felt impossible to start. 

I was late to sessions, late to work, and staying until 7 or 8 pm. I was constantly overwhelmed and completely exhausted, wondering why I couldn’t keep up. I told myself the school district’s demands were unreasonable. Maybe a new job would fix it.

Fast forward eight years. Four different school districts, two private practices, and one home health setting later…I realized the common denominator was me. I was at my breaking point.

By that point, I had completely forgotten about my ADHD diagnosis. It had never meant anything to me and I didn’t identify with it. I didn’t understand it or connect it to my daily struggles.

Burnout and Breakdown

Note: The next paragraph briefly touches on feelings of emotional exhaustion and thougths of self-harm. I share it because it’s a core part of my story and I believe others can relate, but feel free to skip it if needed!

One day, on my way home from another 12 hour day of spinning my wheels at work, I was crying so hard I could barely see and feeling completely overwhelmed. Intrusive thoughts creeped in. “What if I just drive off this bridge…” I immediately pulled over and called my aunt who was (and still is) my rock during difficult times. 

I was already in counseling and my aunt urged me to contact my therapist. I assured her I was okay, she stayed on the phone with me while I drove home. I called my counselor. We made a plan that included requesting FMLA leave from work. 

Then one afternoon, I was talking to a friend. I described how I felt…exhausted, overwhelmed, behind, like I was always drowning, like I couldn’t keep up, like I was a failure. I told her, quietly, that I had stopped wanting to wake up in the mornings. Not because I wanted to harm myself, but because life felt like it was just too much to manage. 

She looked at me and said, “Chelsey, that sounds like ADHD.” That was my light bulb moment!

The Support I Needed

That conversation opened a door I hadn’t known existed. I found a psychiatrist who helped me explore medication options for ADHD. I worked with two ADHD coaches. The first one helped me understand myself through the lens of my diagnosis and begin to replace years of shame and negative self-talk with something closer to self-compassion. I also had a lot of grieving to do.

Grieving the life I could have had.

Looking back, I recalled being diagnosed with depression in college and prescribed antidepressants that didn’t do much for me despite increasing the dosage. In hindsight, my depressive symptoms were really executive dysfunction in disguise.

“If only my ADHD had been caught then.” I thought. If only the educational psychologist had explained the gravity of the diagnosis…that ADHD touches every single corner of your life.

I used the time during my leave from work to focus on caring for myself. But, without the structure of the workday, I found my routines lacking and needed help!

The other coach helped me build real systems, structure, and routines that worked for me. A personal calendar?! Showing up on time?! Remembering to take my meds?! Getting out of bed in the morning and getting dressed before noon?! Those were things I didn’t think possible before coaching. 

Thankfully, I had compassionate friends and family and access to resources that contributed to me getting the help I needed.  

Building a Community for ADHD Adults

I share my story because I believe it could help someone who might be feeling the way I did when I was at my absolute lowest. Misdiagnosed and/or unmanaged (or forgotten about) ADHD can feel hopeless, but getting the right help is pivotal. 

Whether you’re newly diagnosed, suspect a diagnosis or know someone with ADHD – I hope my story shines a light on the importance of proper diagnosis and treatment. 

If you’re looking for support, I provide individual tailored coaching to adults and offer a free phone consultation. 

Additionally, I host a free monthly support group for adults to connect and find community. We share tips, strategies that work for us, and bond over the shared experience of living with ADHD in a world not designed for us. We’d love to meet you and hear your story! Learn more.